This afternoon, it felt like I had suddenly hit a wall. I'm trying desperately to make sense of an incredibly dense book on theology of work. It's a brilliant book, and there's so much richness in it that I feel like I ought to memorize half of the book, at least, before I can even try to speak on the topic of marketplace ministry.
But having struggled for a few days now with this particular book, I hit a wall. Right now, I cannot afford to be hitting a wall. My paper has to be done. Turned in. And done well. If it were just any topic, I believe I could have gotten it done months ago. But since it's my first paper in the field that I finally tend to do my dissertation, I'm trying to learn all I can. I'm taking more notes than I would for other reports, so that down the road (next year?) when I'm finally working on the dissertation, perhaps, just perhaps, things will be a bit easier. I wouldn't have to go back and do double work. I'm not sure.
It probably also doesn't help that the emotions of adjusting yet again to life in a new (albeit familiar) city and culture is also hitting me. I (still) love being back. I love all the opportunities I have to live wholeheartedly. I (still) love life here.
But tonight, I'm a bit tired.
Tomorrow, we have a 3-hour choir rehearsal with the National Symphony Orchestra to prepare for our upcoming concert. Sunday, I'm helping my friends from APU at an educational fair. And then, in this next week, my paper has to be completely done before I can go to China for three weeks. If I can finish his book report tonight, I'll be another step closer to being done.
What on earth was I thinking when I enrolled for this program?
Keep the eye on the goal, right? But more than that, know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
With Him, I can scale this wall.